When our family went on vacation this past summer we met a beautiful couple who was staying in the condo right behind us. If I am being honest I’m pretty sure we fell in love with their dogs before we fell in love with them. We saw them in passing almost every day as the boardwalk to the beach was in the backyard of where we stayed. One night we all sat on the boardwalk under the beautiful Florida sky and visited until after midnight. What I didn’t know is that God was once again intertwining lives, mine and Sherri’s. All of us who have facebook became friends with each other. I have been in contact with Sherri via facebook and email since our vacation. When I post on my blog I have no idea who will take the time to read it but I do believe that God sees to it that the ones who need to read it will read it. A few nights ago I was on my Itouch and realized that I had not checked my yahoo email in a while. This email account is one of three that I have and it’s the one that gets the most junk mail so I don't check it much. So I bring up my account and start scrolling through all the messages and I come across one that says “a bond we share” and I see the email address and recognize it as Sherri’s address. I opened it and began reading and my heart just sank. I know I did not breathe the whole time I was reading it. When I finished reading it I had to go back and read it again. Her story is one you read only in novels. I emailed her after I read it but told her I had no words. I was just so overwhelmed with emotion that I had to let everything process before I could reply back to her. The next day I came to work and sat at my computer and emailed her. I asked her if she would mind me sharing her story on my blog. She gave me the ok providing I didn’t use her or her husband’s last name or tag her as there are still loved ones who do not know her story.
Sherri, I am still in awe of how awesome our God is and that there are no limits to His grace. Girl, He is going to use you in ways that will blow you away. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for allowing me to share it with others. I know it will touch many lives.
Kristi, You might want to grab a seat...this may be a long one. I read your post on facebook about your blog and have been following it ever since. Needless to say, the tears came quickly when I read your story. You see, mine is much the same. You may or may not remember the night that we were all out on the boardwalk in Florida talking til about midnight...I remember telling everyone that Craig and I were "childhood sweethearts". Well, the story is deeper than that. Much deeper...After reading your blog, I felt the need to share this with you. I hope you don't mind. Craig and I grew up together. We were raised in church together, spent summers playing together, shared our first kiss...We had "dated" off and on thru out high school. I had just started my first year in college and needed to interview his parents for a project in one of my classes. I went over to his house, but his parents weren't home yet. Needless to say, after a couple of years of "a little pressure", I finally gave in. One time. That's all it took. And it changed my life forever. Seven weeks later, scared and uninformed, I ended the pregnancy. My brain remembers little of that time, but my heart recalls easily. From that time on, things changed between me and Craig. There were times that I could barely look at or talk to him. I dated off and on and eventually married a guy I went to high school with. I hadn't told him about the abortion before we were married, and when he found out, he made me tell my parents. It was ugly. Horrible. And during this time i was working in labor and delivery, and had to watch as a 21 week baby died (babies less than 23 weeks typically don't survive) From there, I began to spiral downhill. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital recovering from severe depression and an eating disorder. When I was discharged, my husband had left. I finally began to get things back on track and still spoke to Craig occasionally, but could never see him for long periods of time. During this time, I felt the need to tell Craig's mom what had happened. She was an amazing saint of God and I remember her telling me that I shouldn't have had to go thru that alone. If I had only come to her, things would have been different. If only...I can't tell you how many times I say that to myself, even now.
So, during this time, Craig and I still remained in contact, but I just couldn't bring myself to face what had happened between us. We never spoke about it, and I had never allowed myself forgiveness or true healing. So, I met a surgery resident at the hospital where I work, and after 3 years of dating, we married. (In Seaside) I had told him early in the relationship about my past and he accepted me for what I was. I thought "Finally! I have what I need". Oh, I couldn't have been more wrong. I still hadn't found forgiveness, and my husband didn't believe in God. I began to talk to a few friends about my past, and began to withdraw from my husband. When he told me he was moving to Michigan for a fellowship, I crumbled. How could I leave my family? They were my rock. I couldn't leave the safety of my nest, and I felt so unworthy as a person. I began to make poor choices for myself and by the time I was getting my life back on track, my husband had moved on. I had hit rock bottom. I remember sitting in my living room, thinking "This is it. I'm going to end it right here". I called my best friend and she got out of bed and rushed to my house in her pajamas, to sit with me until my mom could come. There were many weeks that both my parents would stay with me at night, making sure I was able to make it to work and somehow stumble thru the day. It was during this time that I found a wonderful Christian counselor. She lovingly led me back to where I was meant to be. In my Father's arms, where the true healing would begin. Craig had heard about my separation from my ex and he began to call me every day. Most days i wouldn't answer and I would rarely reply to his texts, yet he continued waiting patiently. He even volunteered to help me get my motorcycle, and bought my helmet and jacket so that i would have "top of the line protection". I remember praying fervently to God during this time, to open my heart, allow forgiveness, and allow love to take over. I'm so glad he heard me! In February of 2009, Craig and I had a long 4 hour conversation that would begin to change our worlds. It was then, for the first time, that he ever told me he loved me and that he was sorry for all that had happened. And it was then that I was able to open my heart, forgive him and truly start to forgive myself. We spent the next day together and he held me while I cried and grieved over the life that should have been with us. The next thing that happened, still to this day, amazes me. My parents had never really forgiven Craig for his part in what had happened, which was one of the reasons I felt that he and I could never have a relationship. Craig went to both my Mom and Dad and asked for their forgiveness. God worked a miracle. They accepted him with loving, open arms. Finally, I was where God wanted me to be. I wasn't running from a past. I was turning to my Father who forgives and heals. He replaced the pain and shame with love and hope. So, that brings us to present day. Craig and I were married July 18, 2009. We chose July because that is when our baby would have been due. (July 1, 1995). We talked about having kids and but to our amazement, after no planning, we found out in Oct of last year, that we were expecting. The due date? July 1, 2010. Amazing? We talked about our baby that was on the way and we talked about the one that was already in Heaven with Craig's mom. On December 8th, our world came crashing down again. I was at work when I began having problems. I was taken to my doctor's office and knew immediately that at 10 weeks, I had miscarried. I think I knew all along that this pregnancy wouldn't make it full term. I was anxious and fearful the whole time. I took a few days off of work and drew closer to God. I remember praying at night for God to hold me in His arms, because those were the same arms that held my babies and I could feel peace there. He began to speak to me, and after prayer and research, I began to volunteer at our local Pregnancy Care Center. The first two people I was able to witness to were abortion minded. Do I think I changed their minds? No, probably not. But maybe, just maybe, my story will speak to them sometime down the road. During this time I had also met Kate (the little girl in my wedding that died of leukemia) and her mom Susan. I found out, after my miscarriage, that Susan had also volunteered at the PCC. She had also experienced the loss of her twins at 21 weeks. I remember telling her that I thought God had put us in each other's lives because she needed me to start an IV on Kate (haha), but little did I know that I would need her support and we would help each other in so many other ways. Not long before Kate died, I remember talking to Susan about a dream I'd had: I was in the cemetery trying desperately to find her twins' marker but couldn't . All I found was a marker that read "Mason". When I told her about it, she said "You know that's your baby don't you?" I hadn't thought about it until that point. She only knew of my miscarriage, and I think she was right. But I believe that "Mason" is the child who's life I chose to end. It's not a name I would have chosen, but I do believe it is the name that God has chosen. When I looked at the meaning, "bricklayer" God began to reveal to me that Mason was the beginning brick that He would use to turn all of my "mess-ups" into beautiful mistakes. I am blessed. As I sit and write this, I am blessed beyond measure, and if God will use me, I will tell my story too. Thank you Kristi, for being so honest with your story. I stand in awe of God's amazing works. I can't wait to see how He continues to work for you. I know this was lengthy and I just typed as the words came to me, but I'm not going to proofread it. This is what God wanted me to share with you, so I'm trusting Him. Sherri
