Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
I love it when the Lord gives me His sweet words. Words that He spoke when He walked the earth; words that are still as alive, powerful, and true today as they were when He spoke them. These words that He spoke came to me for a specific reason and that reason is for those of you who are holding onto guilt & shame that resulted from a painful choice you made either years ago, a year ago, or just a few months ago. I am referring to your abortion, the most heart breaking, life altering, and regretful thing you have ever experienced. This post is for you, but KNOW that it is not from me. It’s straight from the heart of God.
On Saturday, September 10th, I will be starting a new abortion recovery group but I have ran into a small roadblock. Though I have several women who I have been in contact with who want to participate, I only have one who has committed herself and her heart to the Bible study. This brings me to the reason I am writing.
This post is for every woman that has shared with me and for the ones who haven't shared with me that they too have personally experienced an abortion but you are fearful of something that will force you to bring to surface something so painful, something you tirelessly work daily to NOT think about, something that will bring about emotional feelings that you are afraid to feel. I completely understand this!
The four women in my last group understood too, but those four women and every other woman across the country and across the world who have experienced an abortion recovery group of some sort DO NOT have to fight NOT thinking about it anymore, they don’t have to worry about emotions resurfacing anymore and here’s the best part; the guilt and the shame that was weighing them down,well, it’s not weighing them down anymore. That bondage is completely gone. Forever!
Midway through my last group I asked the ladies to share what abortion recovery is doing for them and in them. Keep in mind that before we ever started they were afraid of the exact things you are afraid of. They didn't like the idea of opening old wounds that they worked daily to keep sealed but they knew what the prize would be on the other side and they knew that Jesus would walk with them and even carry them through the healing process because they believe Him when He says, "Come to ME, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest". The best part is His kind of rest is permanent because His kind of rest means healing. It means FREEDOM!
Here is what the ladies shared;
"Abortion Recovery has shown me there IS freedom from the bondage of guilt and shame."
"God wants me to receive complete forgiveness for my abortion just as any sin I commit, because He has forgiven ALL of our sins through Christ. He also wants to totally break off the shame that has surrounded me all these years since my abortion. That is a tool the enemy has used to hold me back that will no longer work!"
"Jesus wants us to be free and I believe this session has played a major part in helping me identify my own freedom. Being able to open up and share with other women going through similar situations helps me to understand that I am not alone. We've laughed, we've cried, we've prayed, we've confessed, and we have gradually begun to see each other reach the place of freedom Jesus talks about when He says..."they shall be as white as snow."
The healing begins the moment you decide, once and for all, that you're tired of the guilt weighing you down, tired of the painful memories that come and never leave, tired of the hold Satan has over you and tired of that wall that you put between you and the Lord. The biggest and most difficult step is just saying yes to Abortion Recovery. Once you say yes God will do the rest. He will take it from there. Does that mean the enemy will just step aside and let you on through? I am afraid that answer is NO. You can expect him to do anything and everything he can to keep you from reaching a place of healing. You can expect attack after attack but need I remind you who wins? That's right, Jesus wins! Every single time! Satan cannot have you and you just have to keep telling him, in Jesus' name, that very fact.
Are you ready? Are you ready for that wall you have built around your heart to come crashing down; that same wall that you think is protecting your wounds?
Here is what I hear in my heart when I read Matthew 11:28:
"My beloved daughter, please turn your eyes to Me and come to Me. I watch you everyday. I see the pain in your eyes even as you try to mask it. I see your heart and all the broken pieces. Let Me make it whole again. I feel the weight of your burdens and I feel your sorrow. Let Me carry that weight and turn your sorrow into joy. Come to Me and let me heal you and restore you. I will make you new again."
To all of my sweet sisters who are reading this and know you need His healing to get through your pain, please trust Him with that pain. Let Him walk with you and even carry you to that place of healing where He so desperately wants to take you.
Don't put it off any longer. Email me at khaysfsphc@gmail.com if you are ready to say yes to FREEDOM and I will give you the details of the Bible study/recovery.
I want to end this post with a song my sweet friend Emily introduced me to when I told her of the Scripture this post came from. The song is called My Beloved by Kari Jobe.
I hope to hear from you very soon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hQRgyr5uko
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
God is approachable!
As I sit studying this weeks “Forgiven & Set Free” lesson I can’t help but burst with joy as I think about the last five weeks. I have five women in this group, all with different stories, but all with one goal in common; complete and lasting FREEDOM. Three of these women are very active in their church. All three with tremendous faith, yet the enemy still has them questioning whether the blood of Jesus covers the sin of abortion. They know in their heart His blood shed was for all sins but there is just something about abortion that makes post abortive women question whether His blood covers them as well. This is what this Bible study is all about. Getting to know God on a crazy deeper level, trusting Him enough to approach Him with their experience and then trusting Him to heal them and show them that YES, He sent His precious Son to the cross for them too. I sit amazed each week as we come together and they share with me and each other of what all God showed them and I am seeing it in their faces and hearing it in their voices. What I am seeing and hearing is freedom. They are finding their voices again and God has plans for each of these women and I believe that He is going to use them to share how He brought beauty from their ashes.
So I have shared with you about three of these women. I do have two other beautiful women doing the Bible study, however, one of these women recently obtained a job and works on the days we meet so we have agreed that she will participate in the Fall session. I told her to feel free to keep doing the weekly work or she could just wait and pick it back up in the fall. She has chosen to keep doing the homework which tickles me to death. What a strong and committed woman! The fifth woman was absent from our last class. I have made attempts to call her and the other participants have made attempts as well. She was the one I was worried about the most as far as trusting God with her experience and completing the class. I am praying God’s protection over her from the enemy and hope to see her beautiful face when we meet for our next class.
So here is my whole point for writing today. I know I have post abortive women who read my blog who are still afraid to come out of the dark. I am asking these women to search for the courage to step into His light and trust Him. Yes, His forgiveness is enough but there’s still bondage. There is still healing to be done. Trust Him and trust me. Next group starts in September.
So I have shared with you about three of these women. I do have two other beautiful women doing the Bible study, however, one of these women recently obtained a job and works on the days we meet so we have agreed that she will participate in the Fall session. I told her to feel free to keep doing the weekly work or she could just wait and pick it back up in the fall. She has chosen to keep doing the homework which tickles me to death. What a strong and committed woman! The fifth woman was absent from our last class. I have made attempts to call her and the other participants have made attempts as well. She was the one I was worried about the most as far as trusting God with her experience and completing the class. I am praying God’s protection over her from the enemy and hope to see her beautiful face when we meet for our next class.
So here is my whole point for writing today. I know I have post abortive women who read my blog who are still afraid to come out of the dark. I am asking these women to search for the courage to step into His light and trust Him. Yes, His forgiveness is enough but there’s still bondage. There is still healing to be done. Trust Him and trust me. Next group starts in September.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
One loved Momma right here!
Can I just bore you for a moment and share how blessed I am to be the mother of two thoughtful boys. They are both so different in the ways they show their love for me. Bailey tends to the little things that mean so much to me like picking up around the house, running some of my most hated errands now that he’s 16 and the one I think I love the most is the way he demands that his little brother respect me. Nothing sets Bailey off more than when his momma is disrespected. I love this about him. He stands up for and protects me which tells me that he is going to be a great husband. He not only stands up for me but he also stands up for his beliefs. He loves God! He strives to live a life that is pleasing to God. This makes this momma a happy one!
Jared, on the other hand, shows his love in complete other ways. While he is not one who picks up after himself unless, of course, there are privileges at stake, he is one who shows his love in much different ways, ways that are profound and really touch my heart.
If you have read my post about Jared setting Rylee’s brick in an area of my flowers then you have seen into the heart of this young man. Well I am writing today to tell you that he has done more work in this area. He told me yesterday while I was home for lunch that he had Grandma helping him with something. My heart just smiled at the selfless act this little man was in the process of doing.
As I was finishing things up at work for the day he called me and told me he had a surprise for me when I got home. I had a hunch of what I might find when I got home but I hurried home anyway.
Here is what I found.
He planted some flowers!
What a sweet, sweet boy! He can be such a little smart mouth but on the other hand he is the kindest kid I know. He was working in his garden when I got home. I walked over to him and gave him a bear hug and thanked him. I told him that I bet his big sister smiled down on him as he worked on her memorial spot and said, “that’s my little brother!”. I love that Jared takes time to do these things for me and even more so that he thinks so much of her that he wants her to be remembered as someone who though isn’t here with us she is a part of our family.
God has blessed me and just keeps pouring out His blessings upon me. I am married to the sweetest man on earth and we have two gorgeous boys. Is life always perfect in the Hays household? Of course not, but we live each day out together and Wayne and I are raising our boys with moral values and integrity and to serve and love God in the hopes they will take these things with them throughout their lives. We want them to be used by God in mighty ways.
So that is the reason for this post, to just brag about these two boys and how they continue to blow my mind!
Jared, on the other hand, shows his love in complete other ways. While he is not one who picks up after himself unless, of course, there are privileges at stake, he is one who shows his love in much different ways, ways that are profound and really touch my heart.
If you have read my post about Jared setting Rylee’s brick in an area of my flowers then you have seen into the heart of this young man. Well I am writing today to tell you that he has done more work in this area. He told me yesterday while I was home for lunch that he had Grandma helping him with something. My heart just smiled at the selfless act this little man was in the process of doing.
As I was finishing things up at work for the day he called me and told me he had a surprise for me when I got home. I had a hunch of what I might find when I got home but I hurried home anyway.
Here is what I found.
He planted some flowers!What a sweet, sweet boy! He can be such a little smart mouth but on the other hand he is the kindest kid I know. He was working in his garden when I got home. I walked over to him and gave him a bear hug and thanked him. I told him that I bet his big sister smiled down on him as he worked on her memorial spot and said, “that’s my little brother!”. I love that Jared takes time to do these things for me and even more so that he thinks so much of her that he wants her to be remembered as someone who though isn’t here with us she is a part of our family.
God has blessed me and just keeps pouring out His blessings upon me. I am married to the sweetest man on earth and we have two gorgeous boys. Is life always perfect in the Hays household? Of course not, but we live each day out together and Wayne and I are raising our boys with moral values and integrity and to serve and love God in the hopes they will take these things with them throughout their lives. We want them to be used by God in mighty ways.
So that is the reason for this post, to just brag about these two boys and how they continue to blow my mind!
Victory And Loss
Things were so crazy last week so I am just now able to share the events of said week. Most of what occurred are crazy amazing while some are heartbreaking. Tuesday March 15th is a day that will forever be imprinted in my mind. It was both a day of victory and a day of sorrow. Before I proceed to tell you about Tuesday let me back up to Monday. Monday is my day to volunteer at the center. While I was still at work I got a call form Hattie telling me of a young woman who called wanting to know if we performed abortions. After visiting with this woman briefly, Hattie was able to convince her to come to the center later that day. Hattie asked if I could meet with this woman. Of course I said yes. I arrived at the center around 4:00 knowing that at 4:30 I would be counseling this young woman. Well, 4:30 turned into 4:45 which turned into 5:00 and still this woman had failed to show up. I sat behind the counter and stared at the appointment book at this woman’s name and phone number. I felt God encouraging me not to give up. I picked up my phone and typed out a short message and sent her a text. I simply said that I was really hoping for a chance to visit with her and asked if I could possibly call her. She replied saying she just couldn’t come for the fear of being judged but that I could call her. I replied and told her, no judging here just love.
I waited until I got home to call her. She had one of the sweetest voices I have ever heard, so scared yet so tender. She told me she can barely support her two year old and didn’t know if she could support a second child as well. There were other reasons discussed but for her protection I will skip sharing those. I told her that we could provide her with the help she needed to address those reasons. She also told me she did not want to see an ultra sound of her baby because she knew if she did abortion would become less of an option. We talked for a while and I shared with her my story and assured her that though she felt she was in a hopeless situation that we had the resources to help her. I was able to gain her trust and as we hung up I explained to her that Hattie would be contacting her the next day and would be offering to set her up with an ultrasound. I asked her to do me a favor and take Hattie up on this offer. She said she would.
Now onto another big part of this crazy week;
I got a message from my “Miracle in March” woman late Monday night. She proceeds to tell me that she is on the phone with a friend who is extremely upset about an appointment she has the next day. Her appointment is for her abortion. Our conversation goes on and eventually I get an ok to contact this friend the next day.
I am able to finally speak with her at the time she is to be walking out the door to leave for her appointment and as I am talking to her I am praying for God to speak my words for me. We talk for a while and thankfully I am able to get her to postpone her abortion. At the same time my “Miracle in March” woman is on her way to the center when I call her and tell her that her friend has possibly postponed her abortion. She immediately turns her car around and goes and picks up her friend and brings her to the center with her. I took early lunch and headed to the center myself. I finally get to meet my “Miracle in March” woman and also get to visit with her friend. Her friend also got to speak with Teia. Teia shared with her how we can help her and that we also have other resources who can help her. We just wanted her to know that what seemed like a hopeless situation to her was in fact not hopeless at all.
Well here is the outcome of both stories;
All three women mentioned above were at the center and all three will have stories to tell.
The first woman whom I was supposed to meet with Monday afternoon and instead spoke with on the phone came into the center that Tuesday and met with Hattie. She not only chose to keep and parent her baby, she also chose a life with Jesus and He is now her Savior. I had the privilege of taking this woman to her ultrasound later that day. What an awesome thing to be a part of as I watched God pour out His joy into this sweet woman’s heart as she saw and heard her baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
My “Miracle in March” mom is marching on. She found out she has been accepted into Nursing School and she is hoping that just maybe God will bless her with a baby girl.
I wish I had better news to share about the third woman but I don’t and I will just leave it at that. I know all involved who counseled this young woman did all God had us to do. She knows that we will continue to be there for her and walk her through the difficulties that her decision will bring.
Before I close, I am happy to share that because of River Valley Abortion Recovery support class there is now another woman who walks in freedom from the regretful choice she made a few years ago. It was really neat to watch as God healed her more and more week after week. God restored her. Her arms are no longer aching for the baby she never held. Her pain and suffering were brought before God and He forgave her, He dried her tears and helped her let go. To God be the glory for the things He has done, is doing, and will continue to do through this ministry.
Preparation is already underway for the next class which will start on May 7th. I still have room for more participants. If you are reading this, and you know you need healing from a past abortion and you know this class is exactly what you need, please contact me and let’s talk. My phone # is 479-462-6826 and my email address is khays002@centurytel.net.
Until next time......
I waited until I got home to call her. She had one of the sweetest voices I have ever heard, so scared yet so tender. She told me she can barely support her two year old and didn’t know if she could support a second child as well. There were other reasons discussed but for her protection I will skip sharing those. I told her that we could provide her with the help she needed to address those reasons. She also told me she did not want to see an ultra sound of her baby because she knew if she did abortion would become less of an option. We talked for a while and I shared with her my story and assured her that though she felt she was in a hopeless situation that we had the resources to help her. I was able to gain her trust and as we hung up I explained to her that Hattie would be contacting her the next day and would be offering to set her up with an ultrasound. I asked her to do me a favor and take Hattie up on this offer. She said she would.
Now onto another big part of this crazy week;
I got a message from my “Miracle in March” woman late Monday night. She proceeds to tell me that she is on the phone with a friend who is extremely upset about an appointment she has the next day. Her appointment is for her abortion. Our conversation goes on and eventually I get an ok to contact this friend the next day.
I am able to finally speak with her at the time she is to be walking out the door to leave for her appointment and as I am talking to her I am praying for God to speak my words for me. We talk for a while and thankfully I am able to get her to postpone her abortion. At the same time my “Miracle in March” woman is on her way to the center when I call her and tell her that her friend has possibly postponed her abortion. She immediately turns her car around and goes and picks up her friend and brings her to the center with her. I took early lunch and headed to the center myself. I finally get to meet my “Miracle in March” woman and also get to visit with her friend. Her friend also got to speak with Teia. Teia shared with her how we can help her and that we also have other resources who can help her. We just wanted her to know that what seemed like a hopeless situation to her was in fact not hopeless at all.
Well here is the outcome of both stories;
All three women mentioned above were at the center and all three will have stories to tell.
The first woman whom I was supposed to meet with Monday afternoon and instead spoke with on the phone came into the center that Tuesday and met with Hattie. She not only chose to keep and parent her baby, she also chose a life with Jesus and He is now her Savior. I had the privilege of taking this woman to her ultrasound later that day. What an awesome thing to be a part of as I watched God pour out His joy into this sweet woman’s heart as she saw and heard her baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
My “Miracle in March” mom is marching on. She found out she has been accepted into Nursing School and she is hoping that just maybe God will bless her with a baby girl.
I wish I had better news to share about the third woman but I don’t and I will just leave it at that. I know all involved who counseled this young woman did all God had us to do. She knows that we will continue to be there for her and walk her through the difficulties that her decision will bring.
Before I close, I am happy to share that because of River Valley Abortion Recovery support class there is now another woman who walks in freedom from the regretful choice she made a few years ago. It was really neat to watch as God healed her more and more week after week. God restored her. Her arms are no longer aching for the baby she never held. Her pain and suffering were brought before God and He forgave her, He dried her tears and helped her let go. To God be the glory for the things He has done, is doing, and will continue to do through this ministry.
Preparation is already underway for the next class which will start on May 7th. I still have room for more participants. If you are reading this, and you know you need healing from a past abortion and you know this class is exactly what you need, please contact me and let’s talk. My phone # is 479-462-6826 and my email address is khays002@centurytel.net.
Until next time......
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A Miracle In March
It was Tuesday March 8th and I was getting ready to call it a day at work. I glanced at my cell phone and saw that I had missed a call from Hattie, my PHC co-worker. I listened to the message she had left me telling me to call her as soon as possible. I immediately returned her call for I knew and felt it was urgent. For some reason, a God reason, she was still at the center after closing for the day. It was 4:05 when the phone rang. She contemplated not answering it, but she did and it’s a woman who is pregnant and has already made her appointment for an abortion. Hattie visits with her on the phone and answers this precious woman’s questions. Before the phone call ended Hattie mentioned to her my name and the fact that I have experienced abortion. Hattie asked her if she would like to speak with me and praise God she said YES! I immediately started praying asking the Holy Spirit to be my every thought and my every word.
I didn’t call her until I got home. I will admit that when I called her and got her voicemail I was a little worried that she might not return my call so I sent her a text telling her I looked forward to hearing back from her and would be waiting. Thirty minutes later she called and we had a lengthy conversation. Her hopes were that I would tell her that its ok if she has the abortion. She wanted to hear me say that life would go on as normal. She did not hear what she was hoping to hear. I shared with her that she would not be ok and that life as she knows it would never be the same. I told her of how my life was turned upside down, how the enemy had put blinders on me and then ripped them away once I had gone through with the abortion, how I remembered and still remember when my daughter’s birthday comes around, how I still sometimes wonder what she would be studying in college right now, and how I will probably always feel that something is missing in my life. Yes, I shared with her that I walk in freedom today but it took me years to get there. I told her of the women who are still in unbearable pain years after their abortion. This sweet woman cried as she told me she just didn’t know if she could love this baby. She has a 7 year old child so I asked her if she loves her child and she said yes. I asked her if she would die for her child and she said yes. I then told her that she would feel the same exact way about the child she is carrying. I told her that her son is already a big brother and she is a mother of not one child but two.
She asked me if I regret the choice I made when I was sixteen and I said every single day but that I also know that my child is waiting for me and I will see her again one sweet day.
Before the call ended I asked her to consider doing something. I asked her to cancel her appointment at the abortion clinic for now. At least until she is able to have an ultrasound. I didn’t expect her to answer me one way or another. I just wanted her to consider what I was asking.
We ended the call and I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed. I pleaded with God to show Himself to her, to hold her in His arms and whisper to her how much He loves her, to remind her that she is not alone and will not go through this alone and to tell her of the plans He has for her and this precious one she is carrying.
The next day I knew she had an appointment at the center with Bonnie and that an ultrasound would be scheduled for her. I continued to pray throughout the day and then Emily emailed me and said, “She’s here! Be praying!” I immediately got a prayer chain going. The next three to four hours were the longest I have ever experienced as I just waited. She was in with Bonnie for almost three hours. During that time there was multiple people praying. Teia had also got her an ultrasound appointment and this woman would be leaving the center and be heading straight to her appointment for her ultrasound and also to see a doctor.
At approximately 3:25PM on March 9th of 2011 I received a text from Emily, who got to go with her by the way, that said and I quote, “She’s keeping it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” To say I was ecstatic doesn’t even come close to what I was feeling. God performed a miracle and I got to be a part of it. I will never forget this day! I will never forget how awesome it was to be a part of this amazing woman choosing life for her little one. I pray that God will use me and my sisters at the center many more times.
I spoke with this woman last night and the first thing I noticed is that there was something different in the sound of her voice. I heard peace in her voice. I heard God in her voice. She shared with me that she experienced God like she has never before on this day.
What a happy day! One more thing I want to share. As she visited with the doctor who happens to be an OB/GYN she mentioned the fact that she doesn’t have a doctor and hated the idea of trying to find one. This doctor told her he would be her doctor! Before she left she made her next appointment. Thank you God, for doctors like this sweet godly man.
So as I close, I ask that you keep this woman in your prayers. Yes, God is drawing her close to Him but she is still very fearful of what her future holds. Satan lost the battle but he will continue to try to attack her. I believe God has some crazy awesome plans for this woman and the child she is carrying. What a testimony she now has! Pray with me for this woman.
I will keep you posted as her story unfolds.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
And to this sweet woman I just want to encourage you to keep drawing close to God. I am so thankful that He put you in my life and in the lives of the other women at the center. We are going to be there with you every step of the way. More importantly, God is with you always! He’s there even on the days you cant feel Him. He’s there. And I was serious; I want to know when the baby arrives. I want to be there with you and its pretty safe to say that Emily will be there too. Walk with Him and during times when you just can’t walk He will carry you.
I didn’t call her until I got home. I will admit that when I called her and got her voicemail I was a little worried that she might not return my call so I sent her a text telling her I looked forward to hearing back from her and would be waiting. Thirty minutes later she called and we had a lengthy conversation. Her hopes were that I would tell her that its ok if she has the abortion. She wanted to hear me say that life would go on as normal. She did not hear what she was hoping to hear. I shared with her that she would not be ok and that life as she knows it would never be the same. I told her of how my life was turned upside down, how the enemy had put blinders on me and then ripped them away once I had gone through with the abortion, how I remembered and still remember when my daughter’s birthday comes around, how I still sometimes wonder what she would be studying in college right now, and how I will probably always feel that something is missing in my life. Yes, I shared with her that I walk in freedom today but it took me years to get there. I told her of the women who are still in unbearable pain years after their abortion. This sweet woman cried as she told me she just didn’t know if she could love this baby. She has a 7 year old child so I asked her if she loves her child and she said yes. I asked her if she would die for her child and she said yes. I then told her that she would feel the same exact way about the child she is carrying. I told her that her son is already a big brother and she is a mother of not one child but two.
She asked me if I regret the choice I made when I was sixteen and I said every single day but that I also know that my child is waiting for me and I will see her again one sweet day.
Before the call ended I asked her to consider doing something. I asked her to cancel her appointment at the abortion clinic for now. At least until she is able to have an ultrasound. I didn’t expect her to answer me one way or another. I just wanted her to consider what I was asking.
We ended the call and I did the only thing I knew to do. I prayed. I pleaded with God to show Himself to her, to hold her in His arms and whisper to her how much He loves her, to remind her that she is not alone and will not go through this alone and to tell her of the plans He has for her and this precious one she is carrying.
The next day I knew she had an appointment at the center with Bonnie and that an ultrasound would be scheduled for her. I continued to pray throughout the day and then Emily emailed me and said, “She’s here! Be praying!” I immediately got a prayer chain going. The next three to four hours were the longest I have ever experienced as I just waited. She was in with Bonnie for almost three hours. During that time there was multiple people praying. Teia had also got her an ultrasound appointment and this woman would be leaving the center and be heading straight to her appointment for her ultrasound and also to see a doctor.
At approximately 3:25PM on March 9th of 2011 I received a text from Emily, who got to go with her by the way, that said and I quote, “She’s keeping it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” To say I was ecstatic doesn’t even come close to what I was feeling. God performed a miracle and I got to be a part of it. I will never forget this day! I will never forget how awesome it was to be a part of this amazing woman choosing life for her little one. I pray that God will use me and my sisters at the center many more times.
I spoke with this woman last night and the first thing I noticed is that there was something different in the sound of her voice. I heard peace in her voice. I heard God in her voice. She shared with me that she experienced God like she has never before on this day.
What a happy day! One more thing I want to share. As she visited with the doctor who happens to be an OB/GYN she mentioned the fact that she doesn’t have a doctor and hated the idea of trying to find one. This doctor told her he would be her doctor! Before she left she made her next appointment. Thank you God, for doctors like this sweet godly man.
So as I close, I ask that you keep this woman in your prayers. Yes, God is drawing her close to Him but she is still very fearful of what her future holds. Satan lost the battle but he will continue to try to attack her. I believe God has some crazy awesome plans for this woman and the child she is carrying. What a testimony she now has! Pray with me for this woman.
I will keep you posted as her story unfolds.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
And to this sweet woman I just want to encourage you to keep drawing close to God. I am so thankful that He put you in my life and in the lives of the other women at the center. We are going to be there with you every step of the way. More importantly, God is with you always! He’s there even on the days you cant feel Him. He’s there. And I was serious; I want to know when the baby arrives. I want to be there with you and its pretty safe to say that Emily will be there too. Walk with Him and during times when you just can’t walk He will carry you.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
1 Corinthians 6:16-20 (The Message)
16-20There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever——the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please; squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
It took me entirely too long to “get”, I mean really get, what the above verses mean and just how intensely important the message its giving us. As I was speaking to the awesome high schoolers from First Baptist in Van Buren last night I told them that I wanted them to “get” it before they left there. I have looked and looked at this passage, especially verse 18. Paul is not merely suggesting that we flee from sexual immorality. He isn’t saying, “hey, it might be a good idea if you stay away from sexual immorality”. He is outright commanding it. He is giving us a very clear warning! There really is no other sin that does to the mind, the body, the soul and the heart what sexual sin does. A year ago I sent out a private message on facebook to about fifty of my high school friends and asked one simple question; did you wait for marriage to have sex? If you did are you glad you waited and if you didn’t do you regret it? Of course the ones who waited did not regret waiting. In fact, they said it was so worth the wait. What broke my heart were the responses of the ones who didn’t wait. The pain, the regret and the shame was still there even after all of these years and that just proves that God is serious about what He tells us about sex outside of marriage. He created it to be an amazing and beautiful thing and it is when it is within the safe boundaries of marriage. Outside of marriage sex is devastating, heart breaking and nothing good. As I spoke last night I searched the faces of each one. I believe God has given me discernment when it comes to reading facial expressions as I speak. I could definitely see that there were some who are still very pure in the eyes of God. But I also saw the faces of a few of the girls and what I saw all over their broken faces was shame, guilt and regret. I saw the hearts of these few as well and what I saw was brokenness. I offered them hope, hope that can only be found in Jesus. I made sure that each one there last night knew and believed that Jesus will absolutely heal their hurting heart and wounded soul and will restore them back to how it was meant to be. God did his thing last night, just as He always does.
With all that said, when I first totally submitted myself to God three years ago, I was really focused on talking to teens but then as I got deeper into the abortion recovery ministry I felt that God no longer wanted me to focus so much on teaching sexual integrity so I somewhat put it on the back burner but now, after this past week, with speaking last night, and starting Chastity Challenge with two girls at the PHC, God is lighting a fire within me for this ministry again. Truth is, it is badly needed. These kids are totally missing a huge picture and its simply because they just don’t know. Why are we not taking the time to talk with them? Why are we not taking the time to show them and educate them? Why are parents so afraid to just be real with their children? These kids just need to be equipped and informed of what it’s all about and as I visit with these teens, especially the girls, well mainly just the girls, I am finding that they simply just don’t understand. They are out there thinking they have it all figured out when in fact they don’t and their spirit is being shattered in the process. Girls want a hero, they want a prince and the fairy tail but what they are not getting is that Jesus is that Hero, He is their Prince. He is all they need and the only Source of love they so desperately want. Instead they keep searching, going from guy to guy, looking for fulfillment that they will not find. So, these are precisely the reasons why I will continue to speak to teenagers whenever I have the opportunity to do so. At first I really didn’t know that I could speak on both abortion recovery and sexual purity but God is helping me to see that with Him in control that all things are possible so I am trusting Him and I will follow Him where ever He leads me.
16-20There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever——the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please; squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
It took me entirely too long to “get”, I mean really get, what the above verses mean and just how intensely important the message its giving us. As I was speaking to the awesome high schoolers from First Baptist in Van Buren last night I told them that I wanted them to “get” it before they left there. I have looked and looked at this passage, especially verse 18. Paul is not merely suggesting that we flee from sexual immorality. He isn’t saying, “hey, it might be a good idea if you stay away from sexual immorality”. He is outright commanding it. He is giving us a very clear warning! There really is no other sin that does to the mind, the body, the soul and the heart what sexual sin does. A year ago I sent out a private message on facebook to about fifty of my high school friends and asked one simple question; did you wait for marriage to have sex? If you did are you glad you waited and if you didn’t do you regret it? Of course the ones who waited did not regret waiting. In fact, they said it was so worth the wait. What broke my heart were the responses of the ones who didn’t wait. The pain, the regret and the shame was still there even after all of these years and that just proves that God is serious about what He tells us about sex outside of marriage. He created it to be an amazing and beautiful thing and it is when it is within the safe boundaries of marriage. Outside of marriage sex is devastating, heart breaking and nothing good. As I spoke last night I searched the faces of each one. I believe God has given me discernment when it comes to reading facial expressions as I speak. I could definitely see that there were some who are still very pure in the eyes of God. But I also saw the faces of a few of the girls and what I saw all over their broken faces was shame, guilt and regret. I saw the hearts of these few as well and what I saw was brokenness. I offered them hope, hope that can only be found in Jesus. I made sure that each one there last night knew and believed that Jesus will absolutely heal their hurting heart and wounded soul and will restore them back to how it was meant to be. God did his thing last night, just as He always does.
With all that said, when I first totally submitted myself to God three years ago, I was really focused on talking to teens but then as I got deeper into the abortion recovery ministry I felt that God no longer wanted me to focus so much on teaching sexual integrity so I somewhat put it on the back burner but now, after this past week, with speaking last night, and starting Chastity Challenge with two girls at the PHC, God is lighting a fire within me for this ministry again. Truth is, it is badly needed. These kids are totally missing a huge picture and its simply because they just don’t know. Why are we not taking the time to talk with them? Why are we not taking the time to show them and educate them? Why are parents so afraid to just be real with their children? These kids just need to be equipped and informed of what it’s all about and as I visit with these teens, especially the girls, well mainly just the girls, I am finding that they simply just don’t understand. They are out there thinking they have it all figured out when in fact they don’t and their spirit is being shattered in the process. Girls want a hero, they want a prince and the fairy tail but what they are not getting is that Jesus is that Hero, He is their Prince. He is all they need and the only Source of love they so desperately want. Instead they keep searching, going from guy to guy, looking for fulfillment that they will not find. So, these are precisely the reasons why I will continue to speak to teenagers whenever I have the opportunity to do so. At first I really didn’t know that I could speak on both abortion recovery and sexual purity but God is helping me to see that with Him in control that all things are possible so I am trusting Him and I will follow Him where ever He leads me.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Search me, God, and know my heart.
Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
What can I say, I have prayed this A LOT lately and trust me God is searching and He is finding anxiousness and offensiveness in my heart. Satan is throwing situations my way that are frustrating and oh so annoying. Nothing major but in a sense it is major because the enemy is succeeding with his plan to take my focus off of God and the things and people that are most important to me. What’s worse is that I have been allowing this to happen. I was warned of this and I have read over and over again of how the enemy is out to ruin those who are in the ministry. Again it’s nothing major. It’s the little things that irritate me and then after time the irritation gets to a boiling point and before I know it I find myself totally missing opportunities that God lays before me. So here is what I am going to do from this point on; I am going to start each day by asking God to search me and to know my heart and to point out any bitterness within me. Once He searches me and shows me I am then going to lay it before Him and just allow Him to take it off my hands. And through the day should something arise that will no doubt annoy me then I just ask that He will jolt me, with force if needed, before it even gets to that point. There is nothing I want more than for the end of the day to come and hear God whisper to me, “your thoughts and your actions were pleasing to me today daughter, well done”. From this day on, I will no longer allow the actions or the words of my co-workers get to me. I will no longer allow that idiot driver who drives in the slow lane or pulls out in front of me cause me to sin with ungodly thoughts and words. I will no longer allow my 12 year old son (who is just like me by the way) push my buttons to the point I am yelling at him. Is this all going to be hard? Uh, yeah, it is but this is something God has so been convicting me with and I just want my every thought and my every action to please Him and honestly, here lately, He has not been pleased with this daughter. I realize that I am being pretty gutsy by making these declarations and no doubt I will fail at times but this is something God has really been showing me lately and I have to be obedient and I will be obedient.
So as I close, I just encourage anyone who is reading this, do you struggle with this same thing? I pray that you pray the above verses each day and just see what happens.
Until the next post....:)
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
What can I say, I have prayed this A LOT lately and trust me God is searching and He is finding anxiousness and offensiveness in my heart. Satan is throwing situations my way that are frustrating and oh so annoying. Nothing major but in a sense it is major because the enemy is succeeding with his plan to take my focus off of God and the things and people that are most important to me. What’s worse is that I have been allowing this to happen. I was warned of this and I have read over and over again of how the enemy is out to ruin those who are in the ministry. Again it’s nothing major. It’s the little things that irritate me and then after time the irritation gets to a boiling point and before I know it I find myself totally missing opportunities that God lays before me. So here is what I am going to do from this point on; I am going to start each day by asking God to search me and to know my heart and to point out any bitterness within me. Once He searches me and shows me I am then going to lay it before Him and just allow Him to take it off my hands. And through the day should something arise that will no doubt annoy me then I just ask that He will jolt me, with force if needed, before it even gets to that point. There is nothing I want more than for the end of the day to come and hear God whisper to me, “your thoughts and your actions were pleasing to me today daughter, well done”. From this day on, I will no longer allow the actions or the words of my co-workers get to me. I will no longer allow that idiot driver who drives in the slow lane or pulls out in front of me cause me to sin with ungodly thoughts and words. I will no longer allow my 12 year old son (who is just like me by the way) push my buttons to the point I am yelling at him. Is this all going to be hard? Uh, yeah, it is but this is something God has so been convicting me with and I just want my every thought and my every action to please Him and honestly, here lately, He has not been pleased with this daughter. I realize that I am being pretty gutsy by making these declarations and no doubt I will fail at times but this is something God has really been showing me lately and I have to be obedient and I will be obedient.
So as I close, I just encourage anyone who is reading this, do you struggle with this same thing? I pray that you pray the above verses each day and just see what happens.
Until the next post....:)
Monday, January 24, 2011
So I am so overwhelmed with excitement today that I must share!
Yesterday, as most of you know, was Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. I had the opportunity to share my testimony at Evangel Temple in Fort Smith. I shared the pain of my abortion and then shared the freedom I now have because I took Jesus by the hand and allowed Him to carry me through the healing process. I shared last night the significance of the abortion recovery program and how this Bible study is God breathed. I also invited the women of this beautiful church who are in pain from their own abortion to feel free to come speak to me after the service but if that would be too hard for them then to please contact me through the center.
After the service, I was approached by a beautiful daughter of God. With boldness she told me that she needs recovery. PRAISE GOD! She knows God has forgiven her but she is still in pain from her choice. She will be in one of my future groups!
I also received a call Saturday night from a member of 1st Baptist in Van Buren telling me of a young woman who is also hurting from an abortion. I was put in contact with this sweet woman and was able to talk with her about my experience and she shared her pain with me. She is not a believer yet so I was able to share with her who exactly Jesus is and why He was put on this earth. She feels she is unworthy of His love because of what she did. I got to share with her the unconditional love that God has for her and that He sent Jesus to the cross for all sins, including her abortion. His blood, His death is sufficient for ALL who call upon His name and believe. She will also be joining a future “Forgiven & Set Free” study. I just ask for all who are reading this to please lift her up in your daily prayers. Jesus is after her heart and I do believe He is going to get it.
So much is already happening in 2011. I get the privilege of going back to South Side Baptist in Alma this Sunday to share my testimony. Next month I am going back to my home church, First Baptist Van Buren, and will be speaking to the youth. There is just no better place to be than in the will of God. Is it easy for me to tell my story in front of crowds? No, it really isn’t, but I have the Holy Spirit of God who carries me through and amazing things are happening in many lives. I give all the glory to God. I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes which was given to me by a precious friend when God was working in my life and I was struggling with what He was calling me to do.
“No matter what happens, no matter what obstacle, no matter what challenge, you have a faithful Father who has called you and will enable, equip, and provide you with everything you need to do His will.”
Thank you Michelle, for sharing this with me. It has given me strength, courage and hope more times than I can count. I keep it taped to my computer so I am reminded of this truth every day. Thank you for continuously being a prayer warrior for me.
Yesterday, as most of you know, was Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. I had the opportunity to share my testimony at Evangel Temple in Fort Smith. I shared the pain of my abortion and then shared the freedom I now have because I took Jesus by the hand and allowed Him to carry me through the healing process. I shared last night the significance of the abortion recovery program and how this Bible study is God breathed. I also invited the women of this beautiful church who are in pain from their own abortion to feel free to come speak to me after the service but if that would be too hard for them then to please contact me through the center.
After the service, I was approached by a beautiful daughter of God. With boldness she told me that she needs recovery. PRAISE GOD! She knows God has forgiven her but she is still in pain from her choice. She will be in one of my future groups!
I also received a call Saturday night from a member of 1st Baptist in Van Buren telling me of a young woman who is also hurting from an abortion. I was put in contact with this sweet woman and was able to talk with her about my experience and she shared her pain with me. She is not a believer yet so I was able to share with her who exactly Jesus is and why He was put on this earth. She feels she is unworthy of His love because of what she did. I got to share with her the unconditional love that God has for her and that He sent Jesus to the cross for all sins, including her abortion. His blood, His death is sufficient for ALL who call upon His name and believe. She will also be joining a future “Forgiven & Set Free” study. I just ask for all who are reading this to please lift her up in your daily prayers. Jesus is after her heart and I do believe He is going to get it.
So much is already happening in 2011. I get the privilege of going back to South Side Baptist in Alma this Sunday to share my testimony. Next month I am going back to my home church, First Baptist Van Buren, and will be speaking to the youth. There is just no better place to be than in the will of God. Is it easy for me to tell my story in front of crowds? No, it really isn’t, but I have the Holy Spirit of God who carries me through and amazing things are happening in many lives. I give all the glory to God. I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes which was given to me by a precious friend when God was working in my life and I was struggling with what He was calling me to do.
“No matter what happens, no matter what obstacle, no matter what challenge, you have a faithful Father who has called you and will enable, equip, and provide you with everything you need to do His will.”
Thank you Michelle, for sharing this with me. It has given me strength, courage and hope more times than I can count. I keep it taped to my computer so I am reminded of this truth every day. Thank you for continuously being a prayer warrior for me.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Sanctity of Life. Then and Now.
I will never forget when I realized the significance and the meaning of Sanctity of Life. It was one day in January of 1991. My mom and I were making a run to the mall and we always took the Grand Ave. exit. As we approached Central Christian Church something caught my eye. Hundreds of crosses littered the property of the church. Then something else caught my eye. It was an explanation as to why the crosses were there. They were placed in the ground to memorialize the babies that were aborted the previous year. It then became painfully clear that one of those crosses represented my baby whose life I chose to end just five months earlier. It was also at that time that I came out of the relief and denial stage of what I had done. Anger set in. Anger at this church for making me feel like I had no heart, anger at the doctor who referred me to the abortion clinic, anger at the abortion clinic for not counseling me or offering an ultra sound so that I could see that there was indeed a life growing inside of me, anger at my parents for not having the faith that we could still make it with a baby, anger at the father for abandoning me and making me feel like I had no choice, but most of all I was angry at myself because in the end the choice was mine. I chose to end the life of my child.
I could have told my parents that I wanted to keep her. I could have ran out of that abortion clinic and never looked back. I could have told that doctor “no thanks” when he gave us the number to the clinic and I could have certainly made it just fine without the father’s support but I didn’t do any of these things and I was left to deal with the consequences of the choice I made. The “what ifs” didn’t matter anymore.
It was on this day that I made a mental note that this was a day that was recognized every year so I made sure the following years to turn my head when driving by this church thinking as long as I didn’t see it then I could pretend it was just another day. I also learned which Sunday my church would be recognizing Sanctity of Life and I would make sure I was sick on that day.
But today I walk in freedom all because of a living Savior. Jesus is my Hero and I am His daughter. A daughter who He loves so much that He shed His blood for me and its that blood that has been washed over me and has cleansed me of my painful choice. Yes, Jesus hung on that cross and died an excruciating death so that I would be forgiven of all my sin, even for choosing to end the life of my unborn daughter. There’s a song out right now by Tenth Avenue North called “You Are More”. The lyrics speak specifically to the women who have made painful choices in their past and it offers hope and redemption through the love of Christ. The following words are my favorite part of the song because I know firsthand that these words stand true.
'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
you are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
you are more than the problems you create,
you’ve been remade.
I have been remade. God dried my tears and took the broken pieces of my heart and carefully and perfectly mended those pieces into a perfect clean heart with no evidence that it was ever broken
Today when Sanctity of Life comes around I don’t feel pain anymore. Instead I feel His love as He holds me close and I will march on and run the race God has called me to run and I will do this until its completion, whenever that might be.
I could have told my parents that I wanted to keep her. I could have ran out of that abortion clinic and never looked back. I could have told that doctor “no thanks” when he gave us the number to the clinic and I could have certainly made it just fine without the father’s support but I didn’t do any of these things and I was left to deal with the consequences of the choice I made. The “what ifs” didn’t matter anymore.
It was on this day that I made a mental note that this was a day that was recognized every year so I made sure the following years to turn my head when driving by this church thinking as long as I didn’t see it then I could pretend it was just another day. I also learned which Sunday my church would be recognizing Sanctity of Life and I would make sure I was sick on that day.
But today I walk in freedom all because of a living Savior. Jesus is my Hero and I am His daughter. A daughter who He loves so much that He shed His blood for me and its that blood that has been washed over me and has cleansed me of my painful choice. Yes, Jesus hung on that cross and died an excruciating death so that I would be forgiven of all my sin, even for choosing to end the life of my unborn daughter. There’s a song out right now by Tenth Avenue North called “You Are More”. The lyrics speak specifically to the women who have made painful choices in their past and it offers hope and redemption through the love of Christ. The following words are my favorite part of the song because I know firsthand that these words stand true.
'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.
You are more than the choices that you've made,
you are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
you are more than the problems you create,
you’ve been remade.
I have been remade. God dried my tears and took the broken pieces of my heart and carefully and perfectly mended those pieces into a perfect clean heart with no evidence that it was ever broken
Today when Sanctity of Life comes around I don’t feel pain anymore. Instead I feel His love as He holds me close and I will march on and run the race God has called me to run and I will do this until its completion, whenever that might be.
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